Thursday, January 21, 2010


(me and Channy...Christmas morning 2009)

last weekend i woke up early, piled 3 of my 4 kids into the car and drove over to the beach for the weekend. my hubby was already there since he had a meeting the day prior.

as i was driving...i kept looking in my rear view mirror checking on my kids (as a mom tends to do)...i think! right moms???

each time i would do this, my sweet Chandler would be smiling to himself, talking a bit to himself, laughing a little. it made me stop and think...

i realize the fact that he has autism would seem like a curse to many. and trust me at times it can be VERY difficult. but that day. that particular day, as i was driving and watching him i had to stop and ask myself this...
for a second i wondered...
"maybe the "non- awareness" actually is a blessing...maybe the not knowing the evils and sadness that are in our world can be a good thing??" i don't know...

i know Chandler has many struggles but quite honestly he doesn't really know that. i know by society's standards "he is different"...but quite honestly he doesn't really know that either. what i feel he does know is this...he is very loved by his family, his dad is his constant and sometimes he wishes i would have a baby (and it would be a boy) so he wouldn't be so outnumbered! (LOTS of women in this household!!!)

i am not really sure where i am going with this was just something that has been "sitting" with me over the past few days. i am certainly not trying to "make light" of the fact that this precious boy was diagnosed at age 2 1/2 with autism...i am simply trying to find the blessing in it...the positive.

thank you for listening....


  1. Kolleen I think this is a beautiful post :) Your love for him and your family shines through in your beautiful heart filled words! Besos, Rose

    btw I would to one day get together with you! How wonderful would that be :) What City are you in? Feel free to email me and we can see what we can work out :) Besos!

  2. That was...I would love to get together with you btw :) Besos, Rose

  3. I SO understand what you wrote. I do not have any autistic children but I have worked with people with autism for 20 years. This post is beautiful. What a lucky young man.

  4. Dear, sweet Kolleen! As you know, I taught special needs kids for many years. When I would get overwhelmed with the job, everyone would say, "It must be so difficult working with those kids." I would always explain that it was the paperwork and meetings that were making me crazy. The kids were the SAVING GRACE that kept me going!!! I loved the challenge of finding the specialness of each beautiful child and turning their efforts into success. You get it and he is ever so lucky to have you!! Much love to you as you continue your parenting adventure!!!

  5. i said it before and i'll say it again...
    you are a wonderful mamma!
    you and chandler are blessed to have one another my dear.

  6. lovely to visit...lovely is your motherheart love and your childheart art.

  7. Sweet Kolleen, what a dear thing to share with us all. I think you are right, in some ways it is a blessing, for all involved. The struggles make the little things in our lives so much sweeter.

  8. Hi Kolleen, I just love this post, it shows how special you are! I have never experienced a special needs child but My Mother suffered from mental disease and she was always in her own little world, she was innocent, sweet and child -like and as a child I couldn't comprehend that but as an adult I always felt how blessed she was to not have to face the evils of this world and how blessed I was to have her, so I can understand how you feel, Chandler is so very blessed and especially because he has a family that loves him just the way he is!
    PS.. I've been so busy I forgot to ask you for your address so I could send your prize!you can email it to me at Thanks Patti

  9. I love this post Kolleen! One thing I have learned from motherhood is that no child is perfect and we all struggle with something but, I don't think any of us would want to spend one day of our lives without that child. You are very blessed. You make me want to cry in a good way.

  10. Hi Sweetie...I'm just reading this today. I agree with you, that yes there is a definate blessing there. Maybe not everyone can see it that way, but you can and those that love Chandler can and it sounds like he can too. We all just want to be loved-thats what life is really about. He has that, so he has all he needs. When I was a kid (starting at around 12-13...I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety. It was overwhelming me. I used to wish that I was a special needs person. I wished this because whenever I saw someone with special needs, they always seemed happy and at peace. I so wanted that too. There are so many blessings in disguise out there in this just takes someone special like you to see them. Love to you...


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