Friday, August 28, 2009
i realize my last post was a bit more stripped down and negative for me but it was real. and it was authentic to how i was feeling.
i wanted to give BIG HUGS and SMOOCHES to all of you who stopped by and posted your advice, encouragement, love and hugs!!! (that's my attempt in the picture!) it all made me feel SOOOOO much better and most importantly to feel HEARD!
my love, kisses and hugs go right back out to all of you! xoxoxoxoxoxox
Posted by Kolleen at 5:16 PM
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
so i am feeling the need to strip down a bit and bare a tad more of my personal life in this post.
i have had one of those icky, gross, frustrating days...or maybe weeks...i don't know. i feel really alone right now and misunderstood. i feel frustrated and suffocated. i feel anger and deep sadness. and in all of that, i also feel numb. i realize that sounds odd but it is the best way i can describe it.
see, i have a step-son who is autistic. He is high functioning and will be turning 13 in less than a month. i love him more than anything but would be lying if i didn't say there were times where it can be really difficult and there are those times i question if i can do it...if i can really be the step mom that he needs. yes, i can certainly LOVE him but can i truly fulfill that role of mother? i have spent some time over the last two days crying about this. he lost his mom to cancer over 3 years ago and graciously accepted me as his step mother. however, as of late he has been going through some rough patches and showing some anger that i have not been accustomed to with him. quite honestly, i am not sure how to handle it. i feel every attempt i make, seems to be the wrong way of handling it. i want, as i feel all of us women want, to be able to just handle everything, go with the flow, accept, not take all the hurtful words personal, surrender...but sometimes i just can't. sometimes i just want to curl up in a ball and cry. sometimes i just want someone to look at me and say "i COMPLETELY understand". sometimes i just want to know that how i am doing things is okay and it will all turn out okay. sometimes i don't want to do anything. sometimes i just want to be. and sometimes as my sketch shows, i just want to be HEARD, not just listened to, but HEARD.
Posted by Kolleen at 7:23 PM
Monday, August 24, 2009
she says "learn to read....read to learn"they say "will do....we are headin on off to school."
today 3 of my 4 started school. my oldest started high school last week...i actually need to post and blog about that! they all had a GREAT first day...gave it a 10! WHOO HOO!!!
Posted by Kolleen at 3:13 PM
Monday, August 17, 2009
she wants to know if you have???
she is my little creation and i think she has a sweetness to her.
today as i was leaving a restaurant with my two youngest daughters...a gentleman asked "is that your daughter??" and i said "you bet" ( totally claimed her because she was behaving!!! ; ) ). he said "wow you are a little young to have a daughter wearing a shirt that states "Peace" and "Love" with peace symbols all about it." i said "yes i wasn't around during the 60's but i certainly try to teach my children all about peace and love." i didn't have to be around during that era to want my children to care for one another, care for all that is around them, take care of each other and all that is around them, try to be non-judgmental, look for the good in everyone and work for peace in all situations, right?!?! PEACE ONE AND ALL IN BLOG LAND!XOXOXO
Posted by Kolleen at 9:47 PM
Friday, August 14, 2009
i really heart this song....it's not the best version since it's live... but nonetheless....good song!!! i just finished listening to it watching the sun fall across the ocean in a beautiful golden wave....and getting ready to start a painting (totally clueless what it will be...but feeling in the mood to paint), so we shall see!
happy weekend one and all! xoxoxo
Posted by Kolleen at 6:29 PM
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
wishing my mom the happiest of birthdays today. i've been blessed many, many times in my life but one of the most significant is with a great mom.
See...my mom never judged me, never gave me unwanted advice, never pushed me to do things that my heart wasn't in, never lied to me, never really told me what to do once i started to become a young adult...instead she loved me, listened to me, trusted me, believed in how she raised me, let me find my OWN way, and was always there for me. i only hope i can be a fragment of these things for my 4 babies. i hope she has the best birthday and does something FOR her!! i love you mom!
Posted by Kolleen at 10:04 AM
Friday, August 7, 2009
hey....that could be a title to a book!! hmmmmmm.......
ANYWAY....i HAD to post this conversation i had with my youngest in the car a couple of days ago. she is such a free spirit, full of piss & vinegar, and has a love/lust for life that we all should have!
so, with that being said here is our convo ver batim... (or i should say hers since i didn't have any time to respond)
syd: "mom, i really, really love God even though i can't see Him and i don't know Him....(takes a little breath) - i really LOVE the way tori dresses, i want to get some clothes just like her!!"
God, i love her and her little mind!!
Posted by Kolleen at 9:56 AM
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
okay...so i recently went back home to Illinois to visit all of my immediate family and could hardly put this book down. i LOVE to read and pretty much like all different types of books, but if you like a good mystery/thriller I highly recommend this. It is the author Gillian Flynn's debut novel. It's one of those that is hard to put down because you so badly want to KNOW yet you so badly DON'T!!! I will admit it is a bit disturbing and may sit with you for awhile. Nonetheless...an inviting read. Like Stephen King wrote on the backside "the story just stayed there in my head, coiled and hissing, like a snake in a cave."
Posted by Kolleen at 5:57 PM