Monday, January 31, 2011

monday music inspiration & image

today...i am trying to remember
to do this a little bit better than yesterday!

maybe we all should try....what do you think??!!

Friday, January 28, 2011


happy friday friends!

today Ellen has been kind and brave
enough to share her story
with us....
Here is Ellen’s story...
Her words,  Her Images, Her Journey,  
Her "I'm Better For It"...

When I was little people would ask me, 
what I wanted to be, when I grew up. 
I always said an artist. 
When I think of growing up, 
I think of sunshine and happiness. 
I had a pretty good childhood, lots of love, 
a close knit family. 

There were moments that altered my vision. 
My Dad had a heart attack, when I was ten years old.  
I found out at school, it was mild 
and my family didn’t want to scare me. 
They didn’t think a friend, who had over heard her parents, 
would reveal this truth in my 5th grade indoor recess.  
I was upset, scared and then mad.  

My Dad was like a big teddy bear, he could be stern, 
but pretty much a softie. 
When time to decide about college, 
he wasn’t thrilled with my choice. 
I really wanted to go to an artistic type college. 
I could see the concern in his eyes. 
I let him convince me, business college was best. 
I still could do art on the side. 
He feared I would be a starving artist, I suspect. 
Since I often declared, I wasn’t getting married. 
His influence and health altered my decision.

He died of a major heart attack when I was 18 almost 19. 
I was in my second semester of college. 
It was sudden; 
I was commuting to school at the time. 
Shortly after his death, my Mom developed a disease, 
my plans to re route my journey, changed again.  
I had a younger brother and he needed me around. 
Commuting I was home in the evening, could help her and him. College for me, was a mine field of emotion, 
trying to function through my grief. 
I had a 1 ½ hr commute round trip, 
I worked at a local movie theater, then came home. 
Time for me, was homework.  
I would be up till 2am finishing accounting worksheets. 
Up by 6 to start another day; 
I was a zombie. 

When I graduated I felt sad n’ proud. 
I had not enjoyed this time in my life at all, 
I didn’t have my Dad to share it with. 
I just felt drained. 

I met a guy; He was signed up delayed service in the Navy. 
Year later we married. 
I knew life with him was going to be an adventure, 
but I had no idea we would move, so much.  
Raising a family has its moments, 
try reshuffling your life, your work, your children. 
It haunted me, when I couldn’t put my 
children in a government daycare. 
No, I had to find my own. 
The service was for active duty married parents, 
couples both in the service and single parents, 
they were first on the long list. 
I wasn’t comfortable with leaving my son with just anyone. 
People I grew up with, had the luxury of 
knowing people and their backgrounds, I did not. 
I wasn’t comfortable with this. 
I tried working for a while, 
but couldn’t allow strangers to raise my son and later daughter. 

My family was my anchor and me theirs.

All this moving made me feel lost; 
I married a sailor and I’m lost in a sea of confusion. 
I sacrificed my path. 
It became altered again and again. 
Just as I decided to do this or that, he would get orders 
and we’d be packing again. 
I lost a piece of my soul, who was I?

I started to do what I had loved and tucked away, 
started making things, painting and crafting. 
I could feel me return. 

I knew I had to stay on this path and 
no more letting anyone discourage me or alter my path. 
I have anchored my emotions in my art and in blogging. 
I have found me, I am not lost at sea anymore. 

I am better for being on this journey, 
if I hadn’t adjusted my view, I am not sure I would 
not been able to live with the guilt. 
I hope to be published soon, 
working on some poems and art submissions. 
I feel confident I am back on track, detours do arrive in life, 
but sometimes we have to recalculate. 

It took me awhile, 
but it is never too late to do what you love.  
When you do, 
your soul will shine and 
the sea of your emotions will become calm. 

thank you so much Ellen for
sharing your "I'm Better For It"

you can visit Ellen here
where she shares more
about her life and creative journey.

happy weekend

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

say whaaaaaaaat wednesday???


today's question came to me 
as i was sitting, taking a break, watching Oprah.  
(yes...i am going to miss it when her show is over!)

it was all about happiness and different things
 we can do to lift our joy levels.  
you can take the "happiness" quiz here

so...tell me,

what do you do on a daily basis 
that brings you happiness
and lifts your joy level??

thank you for visiting me
& go get happy!!!!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

....monday music inspiration

(me and Patrice)

"A true friend is someone who thinks 
that you are a good egg
even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
                     - Bernard Meltzer

(my boys)


Friday, January 21, 2011

i'm better for it Friday...Amy's Story

Today Amy is sharing her story with us...

Her words, Her pictures, 
Her I'm Better For It

Thirteen years old and 
menstruating since the age of nine.
A trip to the emergency room.
Just before my small performance 
to a local theater to sing for the 
first time in public from A Little Night Music, 
my selection of “Send in the Clowns.”  
A doctor whom was male and 
very cute gave me my first pap smear.  
I, a young girl in so much pain and 
with a cute boy doctor, oh goodness me.

Unexplainable pain.  And nothing abnormal.  
So I traded in my embarrassment 
and that hospital gown for that sparkly dance costume 
to sing these lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, 
“Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.”
Life could go on for a teenage girl 
whom loved to sing, dance, and be with friends.  
And it did.  
But nothing wrong?
This question every month I get my period.  
Pain pills and birth control pills were to help.  
Yet, the pain finds it’s way back. 
Drifting out and away from my center.  
Sometimes I throw all my clothes off 
because anything touching my skin will hurt.  
Knives poking from inside my abdomen out. 
I lay in bed rocking and rocking and rocking.  
I would come to fear that I could not 
bear my own children.  
Disconnect from life and all the things that gifted me joy.  
Eventually stop singing, dancing, and being with friends.  
Most doctors’ words shared with me became my own thoughts...
it is in my head.   
Life did not seem to go on.     
I would stop believing it was 
okay to trust my self.  

First surgery with a diagnosis of endometriosis 
at 21 years old.
The Doctor zapped it all away.  
A second surgery four years later 
diagnosed with pelvic congestion.  
That doctor would say that I had as much 
varicose veins on my woman parts as a 
90 year old women may have on her legs.  
Really impressive, huh?
And he, whom would not compare my women parts 
to a 90 year old’s, 
a cute blue eyed boy would find me impressive. 
I would make him my husband.  
Becoming an expert in making magical hot tea, 
filling up the oh so comforting hot water bottle for my belly, 
and delivering good company and 
conversation in my worse hours...grateful for the love. 
I’m pregnant!  
And for those nine plus months, 
I felt no pain.  
My energy was “normal” and life was good.  
The arrival of the beauty of the babe came. 
My energy would fall to nothing.  
How was I to care for this child with the pain and fatigue?  
Herbs, acupuncture, massage, 
more hot water bottles, more hot tea, myofascial release, writing, dancing again, painkillers, 
constant support from my husband, 
love from a new baby, special diets, reading books, 
moving my family of three in with my parents, 
detoxing, baths, music, unending motion towards something...they helped.
Yet still in darkness. 
full of blame.  
feeling alone and worthless.  
And guilty for these feelings.  
“What’s the meaning in this?”
And then, I feel a hand on my back.  
Just around my heart center.  
It told me, “Just move.” 
And to this, I said YES!
Small movements that translate into 
my own definition of beautiful, meaningful aliveness.
Actively accepting that those clowns that 
I sang about years ago have been in my life 
with or without the pain.  
I began to create movements of 
encompassing love, forgiveness, and compassion. 
It matters what I do with those clowns.  
And so, I just move.  
I learn how to delight myself and SPARKLE.
I grow into the softer places by REST.
I embrace the hard edges and remember 
And life shifts to moments where I stand in my truth and trust my self.
And for that, truly,                     
I’m better for it!
Written with small movements,
Amy Lee 
All inspired by feeling good, happy, and healthy. I am writing and sharing over at 
I offer massage therapist and love to give presence to my clients as they explore self-care practices.  And most recently, have become a movement teacher and dance with pleasure. There are the two cute blue eyed boys that I spend the rest of my time with.  
My current explorations:  
making meatless meals, bringing genuineness to my relationships,
 trying to get really good sleep at night, and dreaming of good things. 
Thank you Kolleen for your story and giving me the opportunity to explore mine!

Thank you so much beautiful, courageous, inspiring Amy 
for YOUR story....
such power in sharing!!
If you would like to share....
YOUR story
could make all the difference to someone else!

please email me at:

happy friday friends!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Say whaaaaaaaat wednesday???

something is in the air...i feel it.

things are being stirred up....
changes being made, 
feelings being expressed, walls breaking down,
tears falling free, kindness showing up, 
words being said at exactly the time 
they are needing to be heard, 
stories being shared, dreams taking shape,
stillness setting in.

so tell me,

what has been stirring 
your soul lately?


Monday, January 17, 2011

...a friend and some monday music

sometimes i feel like the luckiest girl in the world
with the women i am blessed enough
 to have in my my corner...
in my my tribe.

i met the beautifully brave amazing (funny) Patrice 
in October of 2010 at Brave Girl Camp.

Our first conversation
went something like this...
P:  "i know do i know look so familiar?" 
me: "i don't know, do you go here...could it be there...??"   
we quickly put two and two together on where 
we could have possibly seen one another before 
and sure enough... it was a quaint little store in 
Carpinteria that she recalls seeing me!  

we soon became fast friends and have spent time together at the beach and at her beautiful, coziest of cozy home.  
we talk nearly every day and she always 
seems to be there to make me laugh, 
give wonderful words of wisdom and 
simply hold the space for my 
fears, vulnerabilities, frustrations, etc....

without judgment.

she is an incredible mom, wife, friend, creative soul.  
she inspires me and is someone i aspire to be like.  
she makes the most amazingly sweet creations.....

which i am lucky enough to have a few...

her knitting prowess is unprecedented!!!  
go perch in her sweet little nest here and say hello!
and check out these cool little treasures
she just made...
(hopefully she will be selling some soon)

i am beyond grateful for the women in my life....

i learn from you always 
and i love you every day.

today's song....for my friends...
happy monday!!!