"IM BETTER FOR IT"

i have been going back and forth 

with this idea and how to present it....

and how to get others to join in and share their stories....

and potentially how it may really help others....

and then possibly even help heal others.

a few months back i did a post here and posed 

this question to my friends who come visit me...

i asked them to share with me 

"what they are better for?"  

i loved reading the responses and how 

open and honest everyone was in sharing.

so today, i want to go first.  

i want to share my first experience 

of really acknowledging 

some yucky things that happened to me and 

how years and years later i can finally say 

"I'M BETTER FOR IT".

(please bear with me as this is one of my stories and it is me getting pretty personal.)

when i was a young girl growing up 

i always wished for and envisioned 

myself having this wonderful marriage, 

being a mom, living a fun and simple life...

full of laughter and love and 

many, many, many years of marital bliss. 

  

i imagined all the good yummy stuff.  

but isn't that what we do as children??  

plan our fairy tale lives?!? 

not once did i ever imagine i would face divorce, 

be in a very difficult marriage for many years to an addict, 

and have to raise two little girls as a single, working mother.  

never once did i imagine going it alone 

at 30 years old with a 3 year old and 9 month old 

without any family nearby and 

an extremely tiny support system (i can count two people).  

never once did i envision this storm that lasted

many years.

it wasn't in MY plans...

STOP!!!

i didn't sign up for this!!!  

but that is exactly what did happen in my life.  

i did face divorce.  

i was in a difficult marriage to an addict.  

i was working full time trying to raise two little girls alone.  

and i was angry.  

i was SO angry.  

how dare someone else make choices that 

forced me to make choices i never would have 

wanted to make in my life.  

how dare someone do that to me.  

how dare someone shatter my dreams 

into a million tiny pieces.  

see...i WAS ANGRY!

it took me many, many years and 

lots and lots of tears to truly want to face the things 

that happened in my life.  

the role i played in all of it...

i felt like a failure.  

i felt unworthy of love.  

i felt LOST.

SO lost.  

i felt like i lost me.

so after many years of diverting and distracting myself, 

i realized it was time.  

it was time to get the help i needed 

in order to move forward in my life.  

it was time to face some of my demons 

so i could be a better mom to my girls.  

it was time to start to pick those pieces up 

one by one and start to put 

my life and myself back together.  

it was time for me to deal, in order to heal.  

it was time for me to get brave

and now, after working through LOTS of "stuff",  

(and it is an ongoing process)...

i am at a place of gratitude for those tough times.  

i am at a place where i can 

look back on that marriage, 

look back on the years of being a single mom, 

look back and know...

really know... 

that today, 

where i sit right now, 

I'M BETTER FOR IT.

I'M BETTER FOR ALL OF IT.

i realized that 

WE HAVE TO DEAL...IN ORDER TO HEAL.

in order to be free...

in order to help others...

in order to 

REALLY.  BE.

BETTER FOR IT!!!

so i am very hopeful that i will find others 

who want to be featured here on fridays 

and share their stories about 

how they have gone 

through struggles 

and trials 

and obstacles 

but know that they can say 

"I'M BETTER FOR IT."  

because...after all, 

we all are, 

aren't we??!!

please email me:  kolleenharrison@mail.com 

if you are interested in sharing your story.

i am hoping to run this every friday 

for 6 weeks and then see where 

it may go from there.

i truly believe there is 

SO MUCH POWER 

in the sharing of our stories.

in the opening up of ourselves.

thank you for listening.

all my love

ox

k