Friday, November 19, 2010

"IM BETTER FOR IT"





i have been going back and forth 
with this idea and how to present it....
and how to get others to join in and share their stories....
and potentially how it may really help others....
and then possibly even help heal others.
a few months back i did a post here and posed 
this question to my friends who come visit me...

i asked them to share with me 
"what they are better for?"  
i loved reading the responses and how 
open and honest everyone was in sharing.

so today, i want to go first.  
i want to share my first experience 
of really acknowledging 
some yucky things that happened to me and 
how years and years later i can finally say 
"I'M BETTER FOR IT".
(please bear with me as this is one of my stories and it is me getting pretty personal.)



when i was a young girl growing up 
i always wished for and envisioned 
myself having this wonderful marriage, 
being a mom, living a fun and simple life...
full of laughter and love and 
many, many, many years of marital bliss. 
  

i imagined all the good yummy stuff.  
but isn't that what we do as children??  
plan our fairy tale lives?!? 


not once did i ever imagine i would face divorce, 
be in a very difficult marriage for many years to an addict, 
and have to raise two little girls as a single, working mother.  
never once did i imagine going it alone 
at 30 years old with a 3 year old and 9 month old 
without any family nearby and 
an extremely tiny support system (i can count two people).  
never once did i envision this storm that lasted
many years.
it wasn't in MY plans...


STOP!!!

i didn't sign up for this!!!  

but that is exactly what did happen in my life.  
i did face divorce.  
i was in a difficult marriage to an addict.  
i was working full time trying to raise two little girls alone.  
and i was angry.  
i was SO angry.  
how dare someone else make choices that 
forced me to make choices i never would have 
wanted to make in my life.  

how dare someone do that to me.  
how dare someone shatter my dreams 
into a million tiny pieces.  
see...i WAS ANGRY!
it took me many, many years and 
lots and lots of tears to truly want to face the things 
that happened in my life.  
the role i played in all of it...
i felt like a failure.  
i felt unworthy of love.  

i felt LOST.
SO lost.  
i felt like i lost me.

so after many years of diverting and distracting myself, 
i realized it was time.  
it was time to get the help i needed 
in order to move forward in my life.  
it was time to face some of my demons 
so i could be a better mom to my girls.  
it was time to start to pick those pieces up 
one by one and start to put 
my life and myself back together.  
it was time for me to deal, in order to heal.  


it was time for me to get brave
and now, after working through LOTS of "stuff",  
(and it is an ongoing process)...
i am at a place of gratitude for those tough times.  
i am at a place where i can 
look back on that marriage, 
look back on the years of being a single mom, 
look back and know...
really know... 
that today, 
where i sit right now, 

I'M BETTER FOR IT.
I'M BETTER FOR ALL OF IT.

i realized that 
WE HAVE TO DEAL...IN ORDER TO HEAL.
in order to be free...
in order to help others...
in order to 
REALLY.  BE.
BETTER FOR IT!!!

so i am very hopeful that i will find others 
who want to be featured here on fridays 
and share their stories about 
how they have gone 
through struggles 
and trials 
and obstacles 
but know that they can say 

"I'M BETTER FOR IT."  
because...after all, 
we all are, 
aren't we??!!
please email me:  kolleenharrison@mail.com 
if you are interested in sharing your story.
i am hoping to run this every friday 
for 6 weeks and then see where 
it may go from there.
i truly believe there is 
SO MUCH POWER 
in the sharing of our stories.
in the opening up of ourselves.
thank you for listening.
all my love
ox
k















28 comments:

  1. Amazing brave post....love your brave soul!!!!xxoo

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  2. we DO have to deal in order to heal/
    what a great insight!
    i loooooove your brave post!
    you ARE better for it/
    i've SEEN you!...soooooooo gorgeous
    through & through.
    & what a great idea about fridays...
    YES! let's spread healing far & wide!
    i looooooove you sweet friend!!
    xoxox

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  3. You just melt my heart dear friend. I'm so, so thankful that God finally brought us together. I love your braveness. I love what a wonderful mother you are. I love what a wonderful friend you are. I love how you shine on this earth. I love YOU! xo

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  4. beautiful! I will email you... is your email in your post here correct or is it gmail??

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  5. YOU, my friend, are beautifully brave!!!!!!!!!

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  6. i love you so much my sweet, beautiful soul sister...you inspire me daily in so many ways...i am better for knowing you...in my heart always are you...

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  7. What a brave post Kolleen!! Hugs!!

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  8. A Brave Post and you are such a Brave Soul:O) Lots of Hugs~ Isabel

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  9. we have to deal in order to heal might become my new mantra. your story has so many brave elements I lost count. and I love this idea too - how I'm better for it...awesome!

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  10. oh precious bestie scarf brave heartwing sister...
    THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AND BRAVE.
    i think this is IT!
    wow.
    i am blown away by this sugar...cannot WAIT to see where this leads.
    i am still TOO un.bravish at this time to share my WHOLE story...yikes...it.s a scary one.
    i love you
    c

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  11. Thank you for being brave... your courage will help so many! HUGS and love you!

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  12. I love that our journeys are so similar in so many ways. It is so true that you are better for it. There are gifts in all of our struggles- the gifts always show up. Oh, I love you so much. I have so much to say but the words are not coming right now. Just know I am sending you big huge hugs.

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  13. I am better for knowing YOU! I hope to email you soon and not bore you to death with the details!

    I LOVE & MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BEAUTIFUL!!!
    xoxoxo

    P.S.
    I'm so glad you "have my back."

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  14. Yes you are heartwing sister! I will have to think about this, it's scary to share our tough times. Sending you a BIG HUG! You'll make it easier for others to share their stories. :)
    ♥Jenny

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  15. brave brave girl, thank so much for sharing your story. Beautiful how you have transformed IN SPITE of that pain.

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  16. love the words, "I am better for it."

    I sent you an email. Thank you.

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  17. BRAVA... this story is amazing, and so are you for sharing it. KISS KISS.

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  18. You are a BRAVE girl to share your pain and story with us~ I admire your strength to fight and get help~ xXx You are amazing~

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  19. Okay, so you know how much I adore you? Can not wait to read your next Friday posts. We will all be better for it. oxox

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  20. Dearest Heart, I am so in love w/ "I'm Better For IT" and you for being so brave and amazing and sharing your true tale. This series is divine, I know it's going to bring on the healing! You're absolutely brilliant. An angel in the flesh.

    we're all better for it! :)

    looooooove n hugs

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  21. First of all, Kolleen, I love your vulnerability in stepping up to the plate and sharing this very touching and personal story. Thank you. Second, it's hard for me to imagine you as anything other than the strong, confident, loving woman that you are. But all of these experiences went into the making of that woman. Third, I adore how you have told this story with your words and images. Beautiful. And fourth, I will send you an email about my little story. Love that you are doing this!!!!!

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  22. You are so full of bravery. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring others in the process. It occurs to me that I wrote part of mine a while ago. Well, I glossed over a good deal of it because it was already long enough, but it's the basic essence of one of my harder stories. http://retinalperspectives.typepad.com/bluelotuswellness/2010/03/a-goodbye-or-a-hello.html

    And you are right, I am so thankful it happened, because I wouldn't trade here or the lessons for anything, even though I spent years and years wishing and dreaming that it hadn't.

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  23. kolleen you are so strong and so brave. I admire you so much for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to me. I would so love to share a story on your blog. It is a hard thing to do to but it is so healing to do. Thank you for doing this. For putting yourself out there and sharing yourself so openly with each of us. I love you.

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  24. Bravo brave girl...sharing such personal details takes guts, lots of guts. And how wonderful that you're doing this as a way to help others as well. All of this is deeply inspiring.

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  25. thank you so much for sharing your story :)

    -juliette

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  26. Wow. Awesome story. I feel the power and bravery. Thank you for sharing!

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  27. oh Kolleen - what a beautiful post! I'm sorry it took me so long to get over hear and read it! Thanks for sharing this piece of yourself...and what an awesome idea for Fridays! you're awesome

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  28. I know I'm REALLY late to the party, but I'm sick on the couch today, and playing catch-up on everyone's blogs. I love that you shared this! I think there are so many lessons in life if we open ourselves up to learning from them instead of trying to fight what's happening. I would love to submit a story if you're interested :)

    xox
    me

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