Wednesday, September 8, 2010

say whaaaaaaaat wednesday???

....things have been a little rough over here lately
a lot of ebb and flow....
a lot of struggles....
a lot of frustration mixed with many tears....

but little by little i feel i am getting my footing again
and heading up out of this valley.

it isn't foreign to me...
i have been in this valley before
for very different reasons.
it took me a LONG time to get out
due to my diverting and unwillingness
to "do the work"....but eventually

i did it!!!

and recently i was able to help someone else facing
something very similar...

and in doing so, and talking with this lovely woman...
i was able to realize,


i am better
for the heartache
and the pain
and the constant chaos.

and i am finally healthy enough to know it!!

and to know that i will get through
what i am faced with right now and
be better for...
IT! i want to know from you guys
(and i realize this may be too personal a question...)


thank YOU for listening!


  1. Kolleen, everyone I know is going through the ebb n' flow of summer's end and Fall's entrance.
    I hope you are better! xXx

    I am better for facing some fears I have, for being a military spouse and making sacrifices for my family! I am a better person, but it hasn't always been an easy journey!

    I have a little something for you...come visit me! ;~D

  2. Well one thing I am sure of Kolleen-wonderful Kolleen...I am better for reading your posts. You always make me stop and think and dig deep inside. I am better for doing that. That I do know for sure <3

    I am better for growing up with panic attacks. Never thought I would say such a thing, but in some ways I am better for it. I am compassionate and caring. I am gentle and realize that even though someone may look a certain way, ALL of us are going through something that makes life a struggle. I feel for that pain, and I think that makes me better for having lived through it...I sure as hell hope there is something good to come from that stinkin pain! hahaha
    Love you!

  3. I am better for being burnt, and the scar, and the not-healing, and the healing. All of it.

    I am sending you all the hugs and love that the crisp fall winds can hold.


  4. kolleen,
    i'm sending
    & whooshes
    & windfalls
    of love
    to your
    (& a big hug
    to all the
    you've traveled).
    ...& i'm so glad
    to hear of your
    lovely friend!
    i'm better for
    any rough patch
    that i walk through
    honestly & wrestle
    w/it until i get
    some kind of
    golden learning.
    lots of love to
    you dear, & especially
    to any parts of you
    that remain tender.

  5. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way. ♥ I have had very serious health problems and a lot of pain in my life, but I am here. I am strong. I am patient. I am compassionate. I have learned so much...that I realize I have a lot to learn. xo

  6. I'm better for being open to the obstacles as well as the flow. For trusting, even in the midst of the quagmire that this is not how the story will end. And I am better for it when I take nothing for granted...
    I love you, sister.

  7. I am a better person since having my children, they changed my life, my first born, my son made me realize what true love really was about and when my daughter came along, having her made the feminine side of me rear it's 'not as ugly as I thought' head and I changed massivly as a person through seeing her grow and be so ridiculously feminie even at the age of six :)

    I am also a better person through living the hard life I have been dealt, without it I wouldn't be me, I know that deep down but I still wish my life wasn't so damn hard all the time, a bit of a break now and then might be nice ;)

    Hugs for you

    Micki x

  8. I am so happy

    and your struggles in the trenches are easing. I know so much about those trenches and you are so RIGHT when you say YOU ARE BETTER FOR IT. you are! yes! ahh just so perfect what i needed this week.

    I am better for: fumbling, stumbling, reaching, revealing, healing, leaving, SURVIVING, and just b e i n g.

    I love this mantra you have here... It would be a perfect blog button to share! ♥

    Thank you so much for sharing. I am scooping up the inspiration, and I am better for it!

    Loves to you,

  9. Kolleen I am sending you so much love and healing wishes. I love knowing you- like Carissa, I am better for scooping up all of the inspiration on your blog. I love how you said something about being willing to do the work (of that you USED to be unwilling) That's it! Just showing up for whatever life hands us- I believe too- it makes us better. Sweet Kolleen, I wish I could come over with a cup of coffee and chocolate for you and a hug and just sit and listen to your stories. xxxooo

  10. just what i needed to hear! thanks for putting a positive spin on things that make us feel yucky!

  11. Ah, yes. Always better for having gone through it and come out the other side. So hard when you are down in those trenches though. Hang in there. I hope things get much better soon for you and your loved one.

  12. So sorry you are going through a rough time. and so happy to read you know you are better for it.
    you have the right perspective for sure.

  13. I'm glad that you're feeling better. Stay strong through the growing pains because you're'll be better for it.

  14. how totally expected would it be to say that
    i am sooooo much better for reaching out to a beautiful woman i had never met over a year ago and allowing her friendship to change my life.
    you don.t know the impact you have had on me my dear.
    i would have to say that overall...i am all the better for NOT GIVING UP.
    never giving up on myself, when there have been oh so many times i have wanted to.
    i just keep on swimming.
    YOU are such a light in my life.
    can.t wait to hug you soon.
    p.s. it doesnt surprise me that you are out helping others through their hurdles...doesn.t surprise me at all! that.s just the kind of heartwing sister you are!

  15. I am better for opening my heart to love in all its many forms. I am better for not allowing fear to control my life. I am better for hitting rock bottom and climbing my way back up, scratches, caca and all.

    Your post was touching because you opened up and embraced how difficult times can make us better. Stronger. Wiser. More appreciative of Life. You make us better, Kolleen, and for that I am grateful and better for it!!

  16. Kolleen, I read this yesterday and then didn't comment because I had to think about it. I'm almost at the point where I can say that I'm better for losing my job. I still hesitate and wonder if I really believe that, but it has set me on this course that I am on and I am starting to believe that it is the best one for me. Most days I do believe it. My little retreat seems to be blossoming right now, so good things are happening!! And, yes, my dear, you are getting better and better!!! Huge hugs as you make your way through this difficult patch. (Don't forget - there is silence under the chaos!)

  17. I always love your honest and authentic posts! I married a man when I was really young who had lots of holes in his bucket. I spent years trying to plug them, plug the wounds he caused me (wounded people wound other people) and finally left him after the 4th affair- sad, alone, disillusioned, raising children. Several years spent single and then being much more wise about marrying healthy- I learned the hard lessons and took them forward to have a wonderful, truly happy marriage. I'm often very thankful for the lessons that wounded man taught me.

  18. Inspiring post!
    Just came across your blog!

  19. What an inspiring post, Kolleen. I hope you are feeling better by now already!! I think I am better for having loved through "it all" and having moved forward with hope whenever life got tough. I'm better for all that has happened in my life - because it made me into who I am today... And I am better for having met you! Much love, Silke

  20. What a great post, Kolleen!

    I am better for my kids. They have taught me patience. I think.

  21. I am better for my 6 months abroad this year-the isolation, the desperation to connect led me to twitter, which led me to making friends, which led to hearing about flying lessons, which led to FINALLY an artist community of caring loving challenging gifted peeps (like you!)

  22. A beautiful post. I am better for all the tough things that have happened in my life over the past 4 years - the death of my best friend, my partner's chronic illness, the loss of my job twice this year. Each and every struggle has made me stronger and more grateful for all the good things, and alongside it has been an amazing journey into art.


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