Wednesday, January 5, 2011

say whaaaaaaaat wednesday???

Happy first Wednesday of 2011
ya hoooooo!!!!
today’s question is something 
i have been struggling with, 
(for what seems),
all of my life.
i have learned the hard way to NOT 
have expectations due to a sure bet
of being disappointed.  

however, i DO feel in life, 
certain areas warrant expectations.
  ie...relationships, customer service...
how our children behave 

(HA! HA! HA!...did the last one
make you laugh!!)
i feel there should be certain expectations 
we carry within relationships we have in our lives.
 Whether it is our marriage, friendships, 
family relationships, work relationships, etc...
however, how do we figure 
exactly what those expectations are....

since relationships involve someone other than yourself.   
(my expectations may be completely different 
from the others...)
and is it fair to put “my” expectations 
onto someone else??
anyone want to chime in??

i would love to hear your thoughts.


  1. aaah, expectations. I have heard it said that to have expectations is to not be IN the moment. I've also known expectations to end with disappointment. As I teacher, though, I HAVE to have expectations, so my students will strive and meet them...and they do. In my own personal life, I think as I get older I don't have as many exopectations. I think I am usually more calm, more accepting, and more in-the-moment than when I was younger. I think it makes me happier. (I admit that I am tough on myself at work. I expect too much of myself perhaps at times...but every now & then I see it, and try to step back!) I probably talked in circles, here, but, hey...Happy 2011 my dear! ~Kath

  2. oh me oh my...expectations. i have no answer. but can't wait to read others thoughts. how i adore you and your sayyyyyyyyyy what?!

  3. I think it's human nature to have expectations. But then even God has expectations of us, so not too far off.
    I've found not to set my expectations in stone, especially when the boys were growing up. When I focused too much on the expectations and perceptions, I lost focus on what was really important in the big picture. What seemed so important then, and didn't work out the way I "expected", really turned out okay in the long run.
    Which means, "we are exactly where we are supposed to be" always. <3 U!

  4. I think that it is hard not to have expectations, but that it is also not really fair to expect people to meet our expectations unless we have discussed them explicitly and they have agreed to meet them. Our expectations tend to be implicit; they are not generally discussed and mutually agreed to by both parties.

    (Not that I am so good at this myself. But if I look at it objectively, it is what I think. :)

  5. I have learned a long time ago to tell the people I love what I need (that does not mean what I want). I teach my children so I have to tell them my expectations of them or we would all go crazy. I have certain expectations of my husband (just like he has on me). I guess the question is whether a persons expectations are reasonable. It will be interesting to hear what others says. I also like what Elizabeth said.

  6. Children excluded because they have to be guided, taught, etc. ..... I think the only expectations we can truly desire are the ones we have of ourselves. I believe the only person we can control in this life is ourself. We can't "expect" things of other people, because really aren't those just projections of how WE would handle a situation, treat someone, etc.
    By the same token, if we cultivate positive feelings within ourselves (positive energy attracts positive energy and vice versa) and know that everything that happens is the best possible thing that could happen (ie-ever lose a job and a month later, realize it was a total blessing?) then you won't be disappointed by the things that happen in life. Granted -it's a tough mindset to put into practice but I agree with Paper Pumpkin-it helps you live 'in the moment'!

  7. you have WAY wise friends.
    im NOT one of them.
    i.m gonna have to think this one over. i of course have expectations but they always seem to differ from other people. hmmm. you have totally stumped me!

    i.ll keep thinking about it.

  8. Hmmmm...I don't know tbh. I have not read the other comments but... Ummmm...I guess kind of. I mean, for sure, definately of ourselves and all....but I pretty much expect a whole huge amount from a lot of people! Am I ever disappointed? Uh, yes.

    Say my hubby for example - I expect him to be honest, kind, respectful, faithful - but that could be because I expect that from me too.

    The kids (two teen girls 15 & 17) I expect them to obey the rule. I say rule because there is only one - be socially responsible. It is a trick that I use to lull them into a false sense of being allowed to do whatever because to be socialy responsible covers a whole heap of things they want to do but cannot. For eg; it is not SR to drink as a minor, to speed, to be disrepectful, to backchat... to not do your homework. They think I am mean but whatever..

    I guess it depends on what is behind your expectations and do they allow others to be themselves? I am guilty in a lot of ways of expecting too much apparently (having just consulted my family..)

    Much love to you, Kolleen! ♥

  9. Oh, I should add, the kids also just said they are glad that I expect stuff from them. Boundaries equal love ♥ (their friends are often allowed to do anything) and they are shocked at the lack of expectations some parents have for their kids and equate that to poor grades and general loserness!!!
    (their words not mine. lol)

  10. I love the turns n' twists of your post! I tend to expect and get disappointed. I try not to disappoint, but I know I have. I found December, more than the usual overwhelming marathon. My medical supplies were recalled, they didn't work and I thought the flu shot, was to blame. I know I probably didn't come through in some areas of my life. I think we all have unwritten expectations. I love your children comment, but so do we with our spouse. It is trying to look at the glass as 1/2 full, not 1/2 empty. A new mindset~ Great post! xXx

  11. seems like a question to live with,
    more than it seems like it has a distinct answer
    (my initial thought on it...)...
    lots of love to you, kolleen!

  12. Ohhh, this is a big one...expectations. So much could be said on this for sure. I love what Jeanne wrote. As a mom and "retired for now" teacher - I think kids do need expectations. As long as the expectations are fair, clear, and balanced. As far as other adult relationships...that's tough. I think it depends. Like Rachel said...maybe there is no real "distinct answer." It is interesting reading everyone's thoughts though. :)

    Thank you SO much for visiting my blog. I love your blog & look forward to reading more.:)

    Jen ~

  13. Wowza, ok, expectations do lead to disappointment, but is that a bad thing? Doesn't not living up to someone's expectation but still receiving their love and guidance make us want to be better people? i don't know, I'm so out of my league now that I don't have kids at quickly I've slipped into a selfish and happy empty nester...
    good luck and i'm having fun reading so many wise comments! xo

  14. Wow, you have really hit on a complex topic here!! Just look at those responses.... my mom used to have a lot of expectations - when we got together about what we would do and how it would be. It caused a lot of problems and I find myself moving toward letting go of expectations of anyone else but myself. I'm sure there are still a lot of exceptions, but I'm finding that in general it simplifies my life and makes me happier!

  15. There you go again Kolleen! Asking those questions that just make me stop and think-boy you are so good at that!
    Hmmmmmmm....Expectations...I think for me, I can only have expectations for myself. (this doesn't count parenting) I have come to realize that I am ONLY in control of my own actions. And that task isn't always easy either! hahaha. I don't always know how others are thinking and so for me to expect things of them seems really difficult. I try to always give others the benefit of the doubt (not always so easy). Sometimes people act certain ways because of insecurities or anxiety or other very forgivable reasons that may not be known to us at the time. I hope that others will treat me as I treat them-This isn't to say that I have been dissapointed. Is hoping the same as expecting? Maybe....I guess I do have to say I have expectations of people that I have a relationship with. Very minimal but all encompasing. That expectation is that they are good people with kind, honest, hearts. Yep, thats what my answer is. So YES...I do have expectations afterall. Wow, this one wore me out!

  16. K ~ I have been thinking about this question since you posted it thinking that I might be able to bring some clarity about it in my mind. However, that has not happened I think there is no clear cut answer revolving around expectations. We need to have them in some cases and in others we need to just be and let the situation take us.

  17. Hi Kolleen, this is a tough one, i'm going to have to think about it some more!!?

    Happy new year (so belated I know, i'm still playing catch up after Christmas)

    Love and hugs

    Micki x


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