Friday, January 28, 2011


happy friday friends!

today Ellen has been kind and brave
enough to share her story
with us....
Here is Ellen’s story...
Her words,  Her Images, Her Journey,  
Her "I'm Better For It"...

When I was little people would ask me, 
what I wanted to be, when I grew up. 
I always said an artist. 
When I think of growing up, 
I think of sunshine and happiness. 
I had a pretty good childhood, lots of love, 
a close knit family. 

There were moments that altered my vision. 
My Dad had a heart attack, when I was ten years old.  
I found out at school, it was mild 
and my family didn’t want to scare me. 
They didn’t think a friend, who had over heard her parents, 
would reveal this truth in my 5th grade indoor recess.  
I was upset, scared and then mad.  

My Dad was like a big teddy bear, he could be stern, 
but pretty much a softie. 
When time to decide about college, 
he wasn’t thrilled with my choice. 
I really wanted to go to an artistic type college. 
I could see the concern in his eyes. 
I let him convince me, business college was best. 
I still could do art on the side. 
He feared I would be a starving artist, I suspect. 
Since I often declared, I wasn’t getting married. 
His influence and health altered my decision.

He died of a major heart attack when I was 18 almost 19. 
I was in my second semester of college. 
It was sudden; 
I was commuting to school at the time. 
Shortly after his death, my Mom developed a disease, 
my plans to re route my journey, changed again.  
I had a younger brother and he needed me around. 
Commuting I was home in the evening, could help her and him. College for me, was a mine field of emotion, 
trying to function through my grief. 
I had a 1 ½ hr commute round trip, 
I worked at a local movie theater, then came home. 
Time for me, was homework.  
I would be up till 2am finishing accounting worksheets. 
Up by 6 to start another day; 
I was a zombie. 

When I graduated I felt sad n’ proud. 
I had not enjoyed this time in my life at all, 
I didn’t have my Dad to share it with. 
I just felt drained. 

I met a guy; He was signed up delayed service in the Navy. 
Year later we married. 
I knew life with him was going to be an adventure, 
but I had no idea we would move, so much.  
Raising a family has its moments, 
try reshuffling your life, your work, your children. 
It haunted me, when I couldn’t put my 
children in a government daycare. 
No, I had to find my own. 
The service was for active duty married parents, 
couples both in the service and single parents, 
they were first on the long list. 
I wasn’t comfortable with leaving my son with just anyone. 
People I grew up with, had the luxury of 
knowing people and their backgrounds, I did not. 
I wasn’t comfortable with this. 
I tried working for a while, 
but couldn’t allow strangers to raise my son and later daughter. 

My family was my anchor and me theirs.

All this moving made me feel lost; 
I married a sailor and I’m lost in a sea of confusion. 
I sacrificed my path. 
It became altered again and again. 
Just as I decided to do this or that, he would get orders 
and we’d be packing again. 
I lost a piece of my soul, who was I?

I started to do what I had loved and tucked away, 
started making things, painting and crafting. 
I could feel me return. 

I knew I had to stay on this path and 
no more letting anyone discourage me or alter my path. 
I have anchored my emotions in my art and in blogging. 
I have found me, I am not lost at sea anymore. 

I am better for being on this journey, 
if I hadn’t adjusted my view, I am not sure I would 
not been able to live with the guilt. 
I hope to be published soon, 
working on some poems and art submissions. 
I feel confident I am back on track, detours do arrive in life, 
but sometimes we have to recalculate. 

It took me awhile, 
but it is never too late to do what you love.  
When you do, 
your soul will shine and 
the sea of your emotions will become calm. 

thank you so much Ellen for
sharing your "I'm Better For It"

you can visit Ellen here
where she shares more
about her life and creative journey.

happy weekend


  1. Thanks Kolleen, It is odd to read it again, wrote in passion and didn't edit it. When we write out emotions,it isn't neat n' tidy. I hope others will be encouraged to share. xXx

  2. What honesty and a happy ending...So glad Ellen has found her bliss! Thanks for sharing these stories, Kolleen...they're so impportant for us all to read.

  3. Beautiful heartfelt post by the lovely, Ella.

    Very brave to have poured so much of her heart onto the page for us.

  4. this maybe sooooo cornyyyyy,
    but the song is going through my head,
    after reading your every word,
    that i have not thought of in a long time...
    amazing grace
    how sweet the sound
    that made a (wo)man like me,
    i once was lost
    but now am found
    was blind
    but now
    i SEA...
    sending a heart embrace.

  5. This happens to so many women...
    THANK YOU for sharing your story Ella,
    and showing that we can make our dreams
    come true again.

    Hugs to you both!

  6. Ella, so glad you have found your path - and yourself - again.

  7. thank you many have had to share so much of themselves. but finding that road again is the sweetess reward. go get em' girlie. can't wait to see you published!

  8. Ellen, I loved the end of your story especially. You are's NEVER too late. Thank you for sharing your story of sadness and strength. Love to you!

  9. Kelly L-Thank you so much for your kind words; we do have to do what we love. When we follow our passion, life holds many adventures~xXx

    Kelly B-You are so right, it is finding our inner compass to lead us back to ourselves and the course of our dreams~ Thank you so much xXx

    Alex-Thank you,Your words mean a lot~

    Mikal-It does; we get sidetracked in life. I wouldn't be who I am, if I hadn't followed what spoke to my heart~ Sometimes it is hard to listen! Thank you xXx

    Rachel-This was beautiful; Life is a sea full!
    I loved how you changed the words...You are sweet! Thank you...xXx

    Wendy-Thank you;I guess I am a bit braver now...
    I know I am not alone, we all struggle, at some point in time~xXx

    Modern Prairie Girl-Thank you; I agree it is wonderful of Kolleen to extend this, a glint of one's soul revealed. In doing so, she helps other find common bonds or build friendships and
    opens pathways to heal~

    Thank you Kolleen, for this rare gift; I don't think I would have put this out there, if not for YOU! You are an amazing, brave girl yourself...Thanks for sharing your soul and allowing others to express theirs! XXX

  10. I am glad you found yoruself again. We are all the richer for it.

  11. Thank you Rayna, it does seem to be part of the cycle of life~ You are so sweet! xXx


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