i'm better for it Friday...Amy's Story

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!  

Today Amy is sharing her story with us...

Her words, Her pictures, 

Her I'm Better For It

Thirteen years old and 

menstruating since the age of nine.

A trip to the emergency room.

Just before my small performance 

to a local theater to sing for the 

first time in public from A Little Night Music, 

my selection of “Send in the Clowns.”  

A doctor whom was male and 

very cute gave me my first pap smear.  

I, a young girl in so much pain and 

with a cute boy doctor, oh goodness me.

Unexplainable pain.  And nothing abnormal.  

So I traded in my embarrassment 

and that hospital gown for that sparkly dance costume 

to sing these lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, 

“Isn't it bliss?

Don't you approve?

One who keeps tearing around,

One who can't move.

Where are the clowns?

Send in the clowns.”

Life could go on for a teenage girl 

whom loved to sing, dance, and be with friends.  

And it did.  

But nothing wrong?

This question every month I get my period.  

Pain pills and birth control pills were to help.  

Yet, the pain finds it’s way back. 

Drifting out and away from my center.  

Sometimes I throw all my clothes off 

because anything touching my skin will hurt.  

Knives poking from inside my abdomen out. 

I lay in bed rocking and rocking and rocking.  

I would come to fear that I could not 

bear my own children.  

Disconnect from life and all the things that gifted me joy.  

Eventually stop singing, dancing, and being with friends.  

Most doctors’ words shared with me became my own thoughts...

it is in my head.   

Life did not seem to go on.     

I would stop believing it was 

okay to trust my self.  

First surgery with a diagnosis of endometriosis 

at 21 years old.

The Doctor zapped it all away.  

A second surgery four years later 

diagnosed with pelvic congestion.  

That doctor would say that I had as much 

varicose veins on my woman parts as a 

90 year old women may have on her legs.  

Really impressive, huh?

And he, whom would not compare my women parts 

to a 90 year old’s, 

a cute blue eyed boy would find me impressive. 

I would make him my husband.  

Becoming an expert in making magical hot tea, 

filling up the oh so comforting hot water bottle for my belly, 

and delivering good company and 

conversation in my worse hours...grateful for the love. 

I’m pregnant!  

And for those nine plus months, 

I felt no pain.  

My energy was “normal” and life was good.  

The arrival of the beauty of the babe came. 

My energy would fall to nothing.  

How was I to care for this child with the pain and fatigue?  

Herbs, acupuncture, massage, 

more hot water bottles, more hot tea, myofascial release, writing, dancing again, painkillers, 

constant support from my husband, 

love from a new baby, special diets, reading books, 

moving my family of three in with my parents, 

detoxing, baths, music, unending motion towards something...they helped.

Yet still in darkness. 

full of blame.  

feeling alone and worthless.  

And guilty for these feelings.  

“What’s the meaning in this?”

And then, I feel a hand on my back.  

Just around my heart center.  

It told me, “Just move.” 

And to this, I said YES!

Small movements that translate into 

my own definition of beautiful, meaningful aliveness.

Actively accepting that those clowns that 

I sang about years ago have been in my life 

with or without the pain.  

I began to create movements of 

encompassing love, forgiveness, and compassion. 

It matters what I do with those clowns.  

And so, I just move.  

I learn how to delight myself and SPARKLE.

I grow into the softer places by REST.

I embrace the hard edges and remember 

I’M NEVER ALONE.

And life shifts to moments where I stand in my truth and trust my self.

And for that, truly,                     

I’m better for it!

Written with small movements,

Amy Lee 

All inspired by feeling good, happy, and healthy. I am writing and sharing over at 

http://www.iamsoulbeauty.com.

  

I offer massage therapist and love to give presence to my clients as they explore self-care practices.  And most recently, have become a movement teacher and dance with pleasure. There are the two cute blue eyed boys that I spend the rest of my time with.  

My current explorations:  

making meatless meals, bringing genuineness to my relationships,

 trying to get really good sleep at night, and dreaming of good things. 

Thank you Kolleen for your story and giving me the opportunity to explore mine!

Thank you so much beautiful, courageous, inspiring Amy 

for YOUR story....

such power in sharing!!

If you would like to share....

YOUR story

could make all the difference to someone else!

please email me at:  kolleenharrison@mail.com

happy friday friends!

ox

Kolleen