I'm better for it Friday...VALERIE'S STORY

today i am so honored to have

my dear scarf sister Valerie share

her "I'm Better For It" story.  

her story is powerful and inspiring.

 i am so grateful to her for sharing it...
remember...there is healing power in our stories
and in our words.

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I believe in the power of this moment.

One night when I was sixteen, 

I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. 

Just moments before, my self imposed death 

had been accidentally interrupted by a stranger. 

Who am I to be here, 26 years later, 

recalling the still vivid memory of a 

purely joy-filled moment of seeing a 

school of dolphins swimming beneath the moon 

racing the cruise ship I was on, 

the very ship that moments earlier 

I had fully expected to watch leave me 

in the dark depths of the Atlantic Ocean without notice?

I believe in faith.

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary,  faith means:

1. a confident belief in the truth, value or 

trustworthiness of a person, idea or thing.

2. belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence

3. loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance

As a child I was sent to Sunday School, 

I went through the motions by learning the 

“important” passages and attending the

 significant ceremonies and rituals of various religions 

but none of them resonated with me 

enough to become mine. 

Yet in one night, when I was 16 years old, 

I found unwavering faith in something bigger than me.

Why was this younger, sadder self 

prepared to throw herself off of the railing 

she had climbed upon at the tail end of the ship? 

How did she become so resolute that she felt 

a soothing calm wash over her as she 

closed her eyes and breathed what she thought 

were her last breaths? 

The whys escape my older, braver self, 

though I know it was not a decision 

reached lightly or impulsively. 

But something greater than myself saved me that night. 

My savior came in the form of a Portuguese cruise employee 

who was attending to some job that 

put him in my path at that moment when, 

eyes closed, body poised, soul calmed 

I was saying my goodbyes to this life. 

I will never know what he said to me or 

what he thought seeing me 

but his words broke my reverie and brought me 

front and center in that moment. 

One night, when I was 16 years old, 

startled and scared 

I followed the railing away from 

the chosen moment of death toward the voice of people 

who were on deck pointing out into the sea. 

My head turned, and there, in the bright beautiful moonlight 

that I had neglected to notice before 

(what else had I failed to notice?), 

was a school of dolphins racing next to the ship. 

They were jumping in and out of the water, 

crossing paths with one another, 

frolicking with what I could only imagine 

as playful joy and in my hypersensitive 

awareness of the moment, 

I saw this gift as an offering. 

The dolphins’ joy felt like warm, knowing arms 

wrapping around some broken piece of me, 

reminding me that I had barely begun to live. 

In this moment it was revealed that 

individual moments happen and in them, 

circumstances and perspectives 

can change in an instant. 

I simply had to be brave enough to stick around 

and see what happened next.

Since that evening there have been several 

“chance” encounters that have occurred, 

other moments that have changed my life’s trajectory, 

always ultimately for the better. 

They have not been completely positive 

and I certainly would not have chosen some of those lessons 

for myself but when I stood 

front and center in those moments, 

took a deep breath and held steady to my faith, 

a meaning always emerged and 

I am always left feeling 

profound gratitude for the experience.

I believe I am part of something bigger 

than what I see before me and 

I believe my role in this life is to simply 

be present and mindful in all of the moments that I can. 

Since that day, when I was 16 years old, 

my faith has never left me and 

even when the lessons have been painful, 

my faith has always sought to protect me 

and help me to become the 

best person I can be… in this moment.

I have no doubt that I am better for it. 

you can visit the beautiful, brave Valerie 

at:  valerietookes.wordpress.com


i am so grateful for this beautiful soul
being in my life and i know i am better for that!
thank you Valerie.


ox
kolleen