"IM BETTER FOR IT" FRIDAY

HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!

Today I am so happy to share with you my 

dear friend Kelly's "I'm Better For It" story.  

I truly appreciate her sharing her story 

as I feel there is power when we are 

courageous enough to share our stories!

Here is Kelly's story...

Her words, Her Journey, Her "I'm Better For It"

When I was growing up I thought 

I was just a normal kid.  

I was sensitive to the energy around me 

even at a young age, 

but when you're

little you don't even think about 

anything but the here and now.  

You don't think you could possibly be "different"...

Well as I grew older I began to notice a 

feeling of fear in my life...

but still I was young, and I just thought everyone felt that way.

The older I got, the more I began to notice 

that these feelings were

not what everyone else was feeling.  

The older I got, the more I realized

 that I was indeed different, and not in a good way.  

By the time I was in high school,

 my daily goal was to get through each day

without a panic attack, or at least one that 

no one else noticed.  

It became exhausting.

Each day began to be a challenge for me.  My moods would depend on the "success" of that particular day.

 If I got through without a panic attack,

 well then that was a successful day and I would be happy.  But if panic took over,

 I would tailspin into depression for the next week or so.

 It was no way to live life.

I started college after high school.  

I had no real plan, as panic had

taken over any planning for me.  

I enrolled into all the art classes I

could possibly fit into my schedule.  

Those were the classes that gave

me peace.  

Those were the classes that I felt I could actually

participate in without a panic attack.  

Then, two years into my college experience,

 I had a panic attack during one of the first days of class.

 I was so humiliated and tired that I said that's it...

I'm done.

I can't do this anymore.  

Well from there my life just sort of spiraled out of control.

  Anxiety had a firm hold on me and wasn't letting up 

 anytime soon.  

I was ashamed and embarrassed.    

I had no one to turn to for help.

  I didn't want anyone to know what a freak.

  Well each day became a huge struggle and pretty soon I

just couldn't keep up the pace.  

It was so exhausting living this double life.

  Trying so hard to be "normal".  

Living each day at the mercy of anxiety and panic.

  It was awful.  I finally hit a low, and I

tried to end my life.  

I just couldn't live with this any longer.  But

my efforts didn't work the way I had hoped.  

Perhaps it was just a desperate cry for help.

   Perhaps there was a guardian angel holding my

hand, and knowing that I had much more 

life to live than I could possibly realize.

  What ever the real reasons are I will never know.

But I will always be thankful.

I learned to struggle with my secret for years more.  

They weren't easy, but I did my very best.

  I fell in love and found a rock in my husband.

 He helped me to realize that my problem was not my fault.

There should be no shame.  

That I deserve good medical help,

just like anyone suffering from a medical problem.  

He put my heart at ease

 and I thank God for him coming into my life.

Well it is years later now...

two kids, and a beautiful life later.  

I am here and I am happy.  

I am growing with new experiences and love.

I no longer have to live in my "protective mode" and I am making up for lost time baby!

It has been a very long, difficult road for me.  

I am finally in a good, safe, health place

 and I do believe I am better for it.  

I feel sympathy and empathy for

 others in this world.  I believe that no matter

 what we see on the outside, 

everyone has something difficult

they are dealing with.  

Kindness matters.  

God loves us.  

Each and every one of us deserves happiness. 

My experience has made me

appreciate the wonderful moments of life 

with such sweetness-I don't

know if everyone feels it as sweet as I do.  

I'm thankful for that.

I'M BETTER FOR IT.

thank you my friend for your story.

you can visit Kelly here

and see her amazing art and learn more about her.

if you are interested in sharing YOUR story...

please email me: kolleenharrison@mail.com

thank you.

happy weekend friend!!

ox

kolleen

.....say whaaaaaaaaaat wednesday???

when i woke up this morning and through out the majority of my day i was thinking and thinking about the question 

i wanted to put out there today.

i had a few moments to flip through "O" and 

read a little snippet all about "miracles".

(Brave Girl Camp October 2010)

about 10 minutes later i was talking to a dear friend on the phone and she had mentioned how our friendship 

seems like a miracle to her 

as we are bonded 

in a very special and unique way.

i was giggling at how i had just read about miracles 

and then she says this to me on the phone.  

THAT... to me,

 was a miracle!!!

(taken at Twin Lakes this summer)

i believe there are miracles in the every day, 

ALL OF THE TIME.  

(SO MUCH MORE ON THIS LATER)

so, tell me

WHAT MIRACLES HAVE YOU NOTICED LATELY??

wishing you all a blessed Wednesday and Thursday!!  

I will Be back Friday with another 

"Im Better For It" story.  

thank you so much for visiting me....

i feel so grateful for the miracle 

of my blogging community!

ox

kolleen

ps.  thank you so much for the Syd love
on her bday!

...SHE'S 8

My Dearest Sydnie,

Today you rounded the corner 

to the big number 8. 

I loved decorating your door and 

leaving you a special little note on your pillow 

(even though i silently struggled here and there to grasp that you are REALLY 8).

You continue to bring laughter and bright light 

to each and every day.  

I am BEYOND grateful to be your mom 

to raise you and watch you continue to blossom.

Thank you for your infectious spirit.

your sense of style.

your independent nature.

your love for paper and pens

and markers and paints 

(and your sisters too)

your willingness to be totally weird with me....

(cuz as you say "mom youre so weird...but in a good way!)

your love for your sister

your free spirit

your fabulous conversations

your tight squeezes

the smiles and love that you 

give me day in and day out.

as i have told you many times before....

your ability to 

"march to the beat of your own drum and really own it" 

is something I ASPIRE TO BE more like.

i learn from YOU

 EVERY. 

SINGLE. 

DAY.  

i am abundantly blessed to be your mom....

thank YOU for being my girl, my little rockstar.

and remember the world is yours baby

you can be anything you want to be!!

DREAM BIG!!!

i love you 

the last number.

mama

here's syd's music choice for her bday!

(apple didn't fall far from the tree in

the music realm)

i'm better for it friday

Welcome everyone to the FIRST 

in my 6 week series

of "IM BETTER FOR IT" stories as told 

by YOU...

my fellow friend bloggers.

Today Cathy from artsybutterfly

is sharing her beautiful, inspiring story.

Thank you so much Cathy for your courage

in sharing with us....here is her story, 

in her words.

As a little girl I often dreamed about what my life 

would be like when I grew up.   

As a teenager I started to dream about my wedding and who I would marry.  

I had my dress all picked out and knew the color of my bridesmaids dresses 

all before I ever had a boyfriend.  Then at 15 I met Paul.  

The day we met I knew I would marry him someday.   

That day came 8 years and many breakups later.  

We married on October 31^st of 1992.  It was my fairytale.

Then less than 2 years later on labor day in 1994  

my whole life was turned upside down when Paul and his younger brother 

were killed in a car accident.  

Paul was 26 and his brother just 18.  

Losing him was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.  

Even harder than cancer that  would come knocking 7 years later.  

So at 25 I was a widow. 

 I remember telling my grandma when I lost Paul that 

I got all of the bad stuff out of the way early in life 

thinking I would be immune to anything bad happening again.

Just as I was getting my life back together at 31 I found a lump in my breast.  

I thought it had to be a joke. I was so angry. 

 I was still angry at Paul for leaving me.  

I resented being alone especially going through my cancer treatment.  

My family was so broken by that point I relied on a few friends to help me through.   

I lost a year of my life to cancer.  

I had a mastectomy, 6 months of aggressive chemotherapy, and reconstruction.  

Somehow I continued to date through it all.  

I think being faced with the fear of dying 

forced me to keep moving forward with living.   

 Around the time of my last chemo treatment 

I met a man online who had just lost his mom to breast cancer a month prior.  

I had finally met someone who could see 

past my scars and the bald head to who I really was. 

Six months later we were engaged and this past 

May 31^st we celebrated our 7 wedding anniversary on the same day 

I celebrated 9 years as a cancer survivor. 

My cancer experience also gave me the strength 

to  pursue a dream of mine.  

I had always wanted to be a writer but never had the confidence.  

I knew I had a story to tell that could inspire so many people.  

I could use my gift to give back.  

I took pen to paper and started writing about my cancer experience.  

My first book “Breastless in the City” was  published a dream of mine was realized. 

Most recently I discovered a love of art.  

This year I picked up paintbrush for the first time since I was a little girl 

and I haven’t put it down yet!  

I have discovered how much I love to paint and draw.  

It was something I always wanted to do but I let life get in the way.   

Through my creativity I realized that it helps me 

cope with the anxiety I live with as a cancer survivor.  

In those moments with my camera, or paintbrush I loose myself, 

all of the internal chatter quiets down and I am more calm.  

It brings me into the moment. 

Having gone through so much at such a young age 

made me appreciate life a lot more.  

I believe that everything I went through was for a reason.  

All of it has taught me something about myself and made me stronger.   

I learned to grow from the challenges I have faced.  

I can truly say I am better for having gone through it all.  

Even the anger and tears have helped me to heal. 

Although the pain of loss will always be with me 

I have realized that there is always room in my heart for love . . .

Thank you so much Cathy for 

YOUR story.  

You can visit Cathy

right HERE and

see some of her 

wonderful creations!

ox 

Kolleen

"may we all continue to be "better for it"!
(and if you want to send in your story...please email me at
kolleenharrison@mail.com)

say whaaaaaaaat wednesday???

a painting i just recently finished

(prints will be in my etsy shop

that i am in the process of getting open!!)

do you ever feel that sometimes you

are just lost?

that sometimes no matter how hard

you try you struggle to make a 

decision on which way to turn?

do you ever feel that sometimes you

are in the darkness and aren't sure

where to find the light?

that is the inspiration behind this painting

and my question for today.

WHO HAS HELPED GUIDE YOU IN THOSE

TIMES OF NEED?  

it is funny how sometimes we don't even

realize how lost we are until someone

comes along and points us in a different

direction or simply gives us new perspective.

i am so grateful for the many Guides i have had at

different times in my life...Guides that i know

were brought to me at exactly the time

i needed them.

here's to all the Guides in our lives!!

ox

kolleen